If you’ve spent any time learning about DISC, you already know it can be a game-changer.

It gives us the tools to reduce stress from miscommunication, improve our social interactions, and stop misreading people’s intentions.

But here’s something most people don’t tell you upfront:

Sometimes DISC backfires.

Let me tell you a couple of stories.

The night we accidentally crowned a tiny dictator

A few years ago, my wife Karen and I were heading out with my brother and sister-in-law for the evening. Their two daughters (we’ll call them T, around 15, and her younger sister M, about 7) were staying home. T was the babysitter. M was the “babysittee.”

Of course, we’re not psychologists and none of this is medical advice. But we’ve got years of DISC training under our belts, so it’s easy to pick up people’s personality styles.

We knew that T is a Supportive type: calm, gentle, and quietly responsible. M, on the other hand, is more of a Dominant type: assertive, decisive, and loves being in control.

Before we left, we told M (yes, the 7-year-old) that she was in charge. I thought it would be a fun way to challenge M to be on her best behavior and make it easier for T to babysit.

We told M, “Make sure your big sister behaves.”

For us, it was light-hearted fun. But M took it as a coronation.

When we got back, T was furious. Apparently, her little sister had taken the power role very seriously. T couldn’t do anything without M’s permission. It was like handing the throne to a tiny madman!

We got a kick out of it, and T doesn’t ever let us forget it. Trust me, we made it up to her hundreds of times!

The point is: even with knowledge of people’s personalities, errors can still occur. When this happens, it’s important to take the time to understand their personality type and address the situation according to their DISC style rather than your own.

DISC doesn’t put people in boxes

Another trap people fall into with DISC is thinking someone is “just a D” or “just an S.” But the truth is, most of us are a blend of styles. We have a stronger identifier, plus one or two lesser ones.

The version of you at work might not be the same as the version of you at home. Also, our personalities can shift under stress, in unfamiliar environments, or when we feel misunderstood.

That’s why we always say: DISC is a language. The more fluent you become, the more nuance you pick up.

You can read about how we first discovered DISC, and how it changed the game for our relationships and business!

How DISC helped my marriage

My wife and I have developed a simple line that we use when we are out of control (okay, most of the time it’s when I am out of control, lol).

It immediately cools the tension, gets us focused on the solution, and there’s no silent treatment, no storming off to different rooms. The only disadvantage is… there’s no, well you know, make-up… (come on, we’re all adults here). But trust me, we don’t need that because we get along so well.

Karen and I have worked side by side for more than 25 years. I can honestly say that I’ve only been in the doghouse less than five times. I’m still learning that sometimes she doesn’t want a solution to her problem; she just wants to vent. (Go ahead, all you guys who always try to fix your wife’s problems, you can laugh.)

Now, pay attention — I’m going to tell you a secret!

Learn to ask this question: “Do you want me to solve this, or do you just want to vent?”

When Karen and I discovered the DISC model at a seminar years ago, we realized that our differences — which sometimes led to misunderstandings — were simply variations in our personality types.

This newfound understanding made us appreciate each other’s strengths and work on our blind spots. It also opened our eyes to the potential for growth in other areas of our lives, including our business.

We’ve made the mistakes so you don’t have to

Funny blunders aside, Karen and I have spent decades using DISC to train teams, coach professionals, and improve communication across all kinds of relationships.

Curious how this plays out in the real world? We’ve got another post sharing how DISC works in everyday life (at home, at work, and in between).

If you’re ready to start reading people more accurately, reducing conflict, and building stronger relationships, then we’d love to show you how.